I was exhausted after an excessively long three-day trip, catering to the whims and fancies of Lockheed L-1011 TriStars filled to the gills with passengers flocking to Fort Lauderdale by the millions, it seemed. Everyone seemed to be heading south; it was snowbird season in the Northeast quadrant of the United States. I dragged Dog, the name given to my navy-blue carpet covered carry-on suitcase, up a couple of rickety stairs leading into the kitchen. I rounded the corner to head up to my bedroom coming face to shlong with Tony, my swarthy Greek landlord who spoke English, though he was sometimes a little hard to understand.
“Oh, Christ! You scared me,” I jumped at the sight of him casually sauntering down the staircase centered in the foyer area of my side of a decrepit two-family home, the outline of an excessively long schlong evident against the frayed fabric of the towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was damp, and he knew that I knew that he had used my bathroom to take a shower. The fragrance of my Herbal Essence Shampoo was evident as he drew near.
“Hey, Leeeza! And please, no need to call me Christ,” he laughed, cracking a joke to ease the tension of the elephant in the room, or under the towel as was this case. After the awkwardness of the initial double-take, I avoided looking at the bulge as he slowly, for full effect, meandered down the stairs. The crotch-to-knee lump—a lump he was obviously quite proud of—was there to be praised and I could read disappointment on his face when I didn’t take the bait.
A door in an unoccupied room on the lower level of my side of the house, opened straight into the office of his side, a single-story smaller apartment. And though I kept it locked, Tony had a key. He had no boundaries where the home—or anything, really—was concerned. He was having minor renovations...or so he said...on his side of the wall, therefore, his shower was not working.
“You can’t just come on my side of the house whenever you want,” I chided him. But he just laughed and proceeded to the room housing the door to his side, currently wide open, and disappeared into his “office.” His “office” was the room he used to cut cocaine with powdered B-12 and other white powdered substances to stretch his product. To make it go further.
Yes. Tony was a drug dealer.
He was also addicted to crack, using a pipe he’d fashioned out of foil and some type of screen, possibly from my kitchen window coincidentally missing a square of screen about the right size. He was in his early thirties and had already suffered two heart attacks, according to him, caused by smoking the crack I’m pretty sure he cooked up on his side. I once arrived home from a trip and caught him crouched over my gas stove, getting high as he heated the tiny crystals of rock over a lit burner. On that occasion, he couldn’t find his lighter and his gas was turned off for renovations...or so he said.
Yes. Tony was a habitual liar.
He was so adept at the lies that even though I knew he was lying; I still fell for his lines of bullshit every time. He once convinced me to pay my rent a week early promising he would not cash the check until the day rent was due. I argued with him for a while, and he charmed me with reasons that didn’t really make sense as to why he needed immediate possession of the check. I buckled and wrote out the check, telling him it would bounce if he cashed it early.
Yes. Tony cashed the check—immediately.
It bounced and I subtracted the fee from the following month’s rent. Being a savvy young woman and having lived on my own for years, I knew in my heart he would immediately cash the check because he likely needed the money for drugs. I was smart. I put myself through college with the assistance of part-time jobs, government grants and loans and also moved halfway across the country, alone, for flight attendant training and a new job in a city I had never seen. I was comfortable being on my own and handling my own finances, but he was that good at working people's emotions, convincing them of his good intentions.
His younger brother Nick ran their legitimate business, which was construction, yet the ongoing construction supposedly keeping all elements of his home from being in working order, never progressed. Sure. His side was in disarray, but it seemed more like the permanent disarray of an unorganized drug abuser, not related in any way to ongoing construction.
Thus, I made my decision. I waited until his truck was gone.
I snuck into the detached three-bay garage, an area too full of junk to actually park a car in, and dug around for a while, finally coming across a hammer and a rusted coffee can containing nails of various sizes. I kept one eye focused on the driveway as I ran back into my side of the house through the side kitchen door. I took my handy-dandy tools into the empty room with the door that opened into Tony’s side and knocked, loudly calling his name. Though I wasn’t doing anything wrong by keeping him out of my apartment, I was a little fearful of proceeding with the plan if he was holed up in his office cutting while snorting the cocaine he wrapped in small foil pouches to sell to his customers.
“Hey Tony? Are you there?” No response from his side, so one at a time, I hammered two inch framing nails, angling them through the solid wood door into the wooden doorframe. I started at the top on each side of the door, working my way down to floor level. When I was finished, I turned the doorknob and pulled a little bit and when it didn’t give, all 135 pounds of me—at 5 feet 9 inches tall, a weight pretty close to my weight limit restriction, being a brand new flight attendant still on probation—yanked at the door with a full-body vengeance. It held fast.
I went about my business, catching up on my laundry and doing other necessary things as I waited for Tony to pull into the driveway. He got home a little after dark and I was on pins and needles waiting for him to try the door.
I started to heat up the left-over pasta from the previous night’s dinner to find it had been nibbled around the edges and a large hunk was missing from the middle.
Yes. Tony had eaten my pasta.
I was mad but then I remembered the door, sealed shut like the lid of a coffin and my mood instantly lifted.
Later that night, I heard insistent knocking and Tony’s voice, “Hey Leeeza, you can pay me the rent early, yes? And what happened to the door?”
Lisa H. Owens
Due by: July 1, 2022
Created for a Reedsy Weekly Themed Prompt: The Lease I Can Do (Include a character in your story that is often in an apartment building, but doesn’t actually live there.)
Read Part-two, The Other Couple.
The man I still call Husband, though we have been separated for over three years, was my boyfriend and roommate back in 1985, us sharing a dilapidated two-story house with another couple. The house, a study in contrast, on the one hand was a thing of beauty, being that it was located merely one block from a decent beach between Swampscott and Nahant on the Atlantic Ocean, while on the other hand, a thing of horror, being that our landlord was a drug dealer who kept trying to get us addicted to hardcore drugs.
Tony, our swarthy Greek landlord, could often be found creeping around our mostly unfurnished side of the monstrosity of a house in the dead of night wearing only a threadbare towel around his waist. In said state, he covertly snuck food from our fridge and peered behind louvered accordion closet doors, looking for God only knows what. The rent was cheap because the four of us were broke as fuck, but that didn’t stop Tony the drug-dealing con artist, from perpetually trying to rip us off in various creative ways. It was either that or his relentless attempts to turn us into his drug-addicted drug-dealing minions.
Only two out of the four of us fell for that.
‘Twas the other couple, high school friends of my boyfriend. They were ensnared by the old, C’mon, try it. The first one’s free trick. Their addiction, like most, started out small: snorting coke. From there, it progressed to smoking crack out of Tony’s homemade crack pipes, the duo crawling around feeling for phantom crystals dropped deep into filthy shag carpet by the end of most nights. Their highs wore off quickly and transitioned into endless tears and feelings of deep regret and depression as they began to come down. This led to Tony hooking them up with Valium to ease the transition and Imodium to ease diarrhea, a gross side-effect of the combination of drugs. To say the least, they were both useless wrecks—not showing up for work or for anything, really.
Conversations among the four of us typically began with, “Do you have money for the [insert one]: water bill, phone bill, electric bill, heating oil?” And ended with the other couple storming off after, in head-shaking disbelief, one of us said, “I can’t believe we’re arguing over this ... again.”
It wasn’t long before the duo quit eating and caring for themselves physically, both thin as rails, and parents were called in for an intervention, using the landline that fortunately still had a dial tone, which was a miracle during the time of The War of the Bills. Since they were still young, only twenty-three, they were forcibly separated and hauled off to their childhood homes to occupy their childhood bedrooms and be regulated by childhood rules, only with a lot more policing involved.
And then there were two.
My boyfriend and I, a more mature version of twenty-three, were able to afford to stay without replacement-roommates since our rent as a couple remained at $400.00 per month. I think Tony, used to being stiffed by the other couple, forgot that the total rent was $800.00, a bargain in Massachusetts in the mid-80s. We said “NO” to Tony’s continual attempts to addict us to his brand of drugs and place us in the other couple’s territory as low-level distributors with his offers of the first one’s free. To clarify, we said no to the hardcore drugs. Everyone did drugs in the 80s. It was all about making wise choices. We worked hard and paid our bills, partying only on weekends like the majority of recent college grads who were working professionals.
We reached an unspoken agreement with Tony after having to seal an interior door shut, the one that passed between his side of the house, a small unkempt single-story apartment, and our side, a two-story mouse-infested monstrosity lacking furniture—and food after one too many of his midnight food raids. His feelings were hurt by the only term of the agreement, that he was not to wander unencumbered through our side of the house at all hours of the day and night, unless he was invited to enter, like a vampire. Overall, behind a rough and extremely hairy exterior, he seemed to be a sensitive man.
We didn’t see much of him after that. We assumed he was either mostly hunkered down on his side or on the streets selling drugs or assisting his brother Nick with general construction, the legit business they ran as a team. (Nick did all of the legit work.) From time to time, we spotted him creeping around poking through balls of tangled wire, hordes of lumber and boxes of tools and general junk, stacked floor to ceiling in the detached two-car garage at the end of our driveway.
On the first of the month, we would hear his light knock on the side door by the kitchen and open it with our rent checks in hand. He always looked so dejected to the point that I had to harden my heart by remembering the state of the other couple, before closing the door. He never asked for more money. We continued to pay only half of the rent.
This went on until he missed rent collection day a month before our lease was to expire. We were flummoxed. This was out of character for him. His car generally parked in the area where the driveway met the grass—askew—as if a blind maniac had jumped out while the car was still moving, had been glaringly absent for a couple of weeks. We weren’t too concerned. He was a busy man, partnered with brother Nick in the legit construction and slumlord businesses as well as the shady side of things, so we went on with our lives, expecting he would show up when he was desperate for drug money.
Sure enough, about a month after his disappearance on a morning when I was alone, there was a knock at the side door. I looked through the kitchen window, expecting to see Tony, only to lock eyes with one of the two men in rumpled double-breasted suits, as was the style in the mid-80s, patiently waiting with hands folded. I left the safety chain on and cracked the door open enough to see a small portion of each of them while having a conversation.
“Have you seen Tony around,” asked the taller, more stern of the two.
I told them my roommate and I hadn’t seen him in about a month and that the rumor was that he had sold the house and moved out of the country. This was kind of true. My boyfriend and I speculated on this scenario the previous night. It was the only thing that made sense. Either that, or he was buried in a shallow grave or floating face-down in the Mystic River headed towards the Boston Harbor.
The men introduced themselves and showed ID indicating that they were detectives with the local police force. Not Narcs, but something more serious.
Yes. Tony was a wanted man.
Not wanted for dealing drugs. He was wanted for murder. I thought about all of the times he had broken into my home and walked around half-naked, eating my pasta and using my gas-stove to light his crack pipe. That was pretty wretched stuff, but I never would have pegged him for a murderer.
As it turned out, our contemplation was accurate. Tony really had sold the house and left the country, he and brother Nick, both returning to their beloved homeland, Greece. We never saw them again and before we moved, we sold most of the crap he had left in his overfilled detached garage at $1 per item. We made enough money to fund our move halfway across the country, where our landlord was just the usual brand of sketchy. Not a murderer or drug lord.
Lisa H. Owens
Due by: July 8, 2022
Created for a Reedsy Weekly Themed Prompt: Fighting Talk (Write a story that includes the line “I can’t believe we’re arguing over this.”)
Read part-one, What Happened to the Door?
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