Redemption [250-Words]

NYC Midnight Round 1: 250-Word Micro-fiction Challenge 2020
Parameters: Genre: Suspense/Thriller ~ Action: Chewing Gum ~ Word: Grip [or a form of the word] 

​"Sounds like a cow pulling its foot outta the mud," I’d echoed my old man's words, gruffly spoken, anytime I chewed gum. The kid had it coming; though I regretted my tone. Rumination.
 
I clenched my armrests tight, continuing to gulp deep breaths, like my therapist instructed when sweaty fear gripped me, twisting my gut. Reality.
 
"Tell your brat to keep his body-parts off my seat. While you're at it, tell him to chew with his mouth closed. Sounds like a goddamn cow pulling its foot outta the mud." Would Dad's angry words be my last? Regret.
 
We were hurtling through space—downward—my head melding with the seatback. G-forces.
 
I heard crying and mumbled prayers to different gods and it suddenly hit me; I'd forgotten to pay my electric bill before I left. Random thoughts.
 
I thumbed the beads of my rosary one-by-one—working down the chain—my lips barely moving as I too began to mumble a rusty prayer. It had been a while, "The Lord's Prayer," feeling strange in my mouth but somehow comforting.
 
A ping from somewhere in the back followed by hushed spidery words, “Okay, Captain,” before a frantic voice began shouting, "Brace! Grab ankles. Heads down. Stay low. Brace! Grab ankles. Heads…" a broken record as we plummeted, the glow of fire vivid just under the left wing.
 
I struggled to turn my head, an attempt to see the seat behind me, "Sorry, kid." Redemption.
 
My conscience clear, as we plunged into a dark sea.

By Lisa H. Owens
(*Read Round-2 Challenge here: Te Amo, Mi Amor)
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11/21/2020
NYCMidnight   presents its 250-word Micro-fiction Challenge 2020
Round-1: 5,400 entries divided into 120 groups
Each group is assigned a Genre, Action and Word
Top-Ten from each group will move on to Round-2
Group-13: Suspense/Thriller - Chewing Gum - Grip
*Awarded 10th place in Round-1 and will be moving on to Round-2
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Judges' Feedback:
Dear Lisa H. Owens,
The feedback from the judges on your first round submission from the 250-word Microfiction Challenge 2020 is below.  You should be proud of rising to the challenge and we hope you find the feedback helpful.  Because you placed in the top 10 of your group, you have advanced to the 2nd Round kicking off at 11:59PM EST (New York time) on Friday, January 15th.  Congratulations and best of luck in the 2nd Round!
"Redemption" by Lisa H. Owens -    
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -
{1774}  This is so profoundly gripping. You paced the story well, allowing the terrifying situation to be unveiled in due course. This person's therapy came through in the experiential stages and labels on his/her thoughts. So captivating!  
{1909)  I really enjoyed this bleak, memorable story. The premise is original and memorable. I found the ending particularly satisfying. 
{1744}  I found this story very suspenseful, and your attention to pacing kept me engaged to the end. I really liked how you showed us a little about this character's personality through his irritation about the gum and his anxiety about the electric bill. I was glad that he apologized to the kid at the end.  
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -
​{1774}  Consider adding even more sensory elements of this horrifying (probably soon-to-be fatal) situation. Could they smell the fire...feel its heat? To maintain the word limit, you could streamline the intro to the captain's instructions or offer the dad's injurious words just one time.   {1909)  The first few paragraphs made this story feel slow to start to me. The repetition of the first line, for example, seemed unnecessary.  {1744}  There's a little repetition in his line to the kid; I wasn't sure whether he was saying this again or simply ruminating on what he had said before the story started. Rather than repeating this line, I'd recommend showing something else about the plane malfunctioning, perhaps a little more information about the moment when it started to fall.
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