["Finalist!" by lisa]
["Finalist!" by lisa]
 NYC Midnight Round-two / Group-one Genre: horror Action: an egg hatching Word: *confuse Story disqualified for misuse of assigned word. confusing / *confuse *** Bob sipped cheap tequila and worked through a pack of Marlboros. He ashed out the window and the last cigarette slipped between his fingers, bouncing embers mocking him. “Fuggit,” he mumbled and cranked the tunes. He studied the confusing patch of road, illuminated by one dingy headlight, and tipped the bottle. His mouth flooded with warmth and something round and spongy. It rolled along his tongue and before he could spit it out, it pulsated and ruptured. Writhing sticky legs scampered down his throat and he accelerated into a tree as clusters of spiderlings poured from his mouth and nose. *** NYCMidnight presents its 100-word Microfiction Challenge 2022 Round-2: 1,770 entries moved on from Round-1 Each group is assigned a Genre, Action and Word Top-ten from each group will move on to Round-3 Group-1: Horror - an egg hatching - confuse Read Round-1 14th place entry, How to Escape a Monster. *** Feedback WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY: {2035} This one had me pursing my lips, it evoked such a bodily reaction in me. I think that what worked so well was the "round and spongy" description coming just before the swiftness of the end. Using longer, more complex sentences in that final paragraph worked particularly well to usher in a fast pace. {1666} Awesome characterization here, from drinking and driving, to Marlboros, to mumbling "Fuggit," Bob emerged with a delightful level of clarity through your choice images and details. {1970} I really like the whole mood, feeling, atmosphere, the scene, the setup, and the horror of "When the Worm in the Mezcal Ain't a Worm". I think that Bob's character has a tremendous amount of personality shoe-horned into this story using very few words. Fantastic tale. Thanks. WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK: {2035} To me, it wasn't entirely clear he was driving from the get-go, and I actually had to go back and start again once I realized that. I think that tweaking the detail about the window to incorporate the car a little could establish the setting from right out the gate. {1666} There were just a couple moments of clunky phrasing that made the back end feel less carefully composed than the opening half of the narrative. The punctuation-free repetition in "warmth and something round and spongy" felt murky to me, for instance. Additionally, "it" is repeated three times in the penultimate sentence, and repetition, even in simple pronouns, tends to stick out with such a tight word count restriction. One more small note - I'm not convinced there's mileage in the patch of road being "confusing" - as the real thrust of the narrative is "Man swallows spiders and crashes car" - while there's no deduction for it, the prompt felt a bit wedged in to my eye. {1970} I love this story. So, what one thing disappointed this one reader? Argh. More spiders. It's always...spiders. The creepy crawlers in a horror story is most always...spiders. OK, I get it...egg. Spiders have egg sacks and you had to have an egg hatch in this story. But, you are a fantabulous writer...why not something more original than, spiders. Still, after all this ranting, it really says more about my patience than your writing...it's a wonderful, well written and exemplary tale. Thanks. ADDITIONAL NOTES FROM NYC MIDNIGHT: This story was disqualified for not including the assigned word (confuse) exactly as it was assigned.
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