That's Just Downright Unacceptable!

Bobloneous punched one mighty fist through the barricaded entryway, dropping low in a defensive stance. He couldn't get sloppy now. Not when the fruit of his labor was so close he could nearly taste it.

He detected movement and roared, "SHOW THYSELF, YE WITLESS NIMROD," unsheathing his sword and rising to meet his foe.

A door creaked and he waited patiently as the patter of stealthy footsteps drew near. His muscles tensed, ready to strike down his enemy.

He heard a pathetic mewl and looked down to find a starving kitten staring up at him with startling blue eyes. The kitten rolled onto his back, a loud purr echoing throughout the silent chamber.

Bobloneous bent and swooped the kitten up in one graceful motion. He placed the nearly weightless beast under his shirt collar, out of harm's way, while he cautiously proceeded through the dwelling, clearing rooms one-by-one. All empty.

He scratched his head in bafflement. Then scratched in earnest. His neck was on fire. He freed the kitten from the confines of his linen undershirt, setting him gently on a rough-hewn table. His chest was a mass of hives. He clawed at his throat as it became increasingly difficult for him to breathe. Spittle flew from his blue lips, as in anguish, he dropped his sword and collapsed to the slate floor, murmuring, "Killed by a little pussy. Well played, Leonitus. Well played."

Lisa H. Owens
Created for a Creative Writing Prompt: Your hero dies in the dumbest way possible.
January 10, 2022

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